It's Official Then!

It feels like forever since I've posted anything. That was mainly due to the fact that for a long time there really was nothing worth posting about as there was very little happening. Then all of a sudden lots happened at once! 

Today was the day we received an actual official diagnosis. Due to a cancellation a couple of weeks ago we were able to begin the psychological assessment that we had been wait-listed for. Six appointments in two weeks. Psychological assessment....cognitive assessment.....autism specific assessment. Today was the feedback appointment. D-day.

I would have been incredibly surprised if they had told me that Kal-el was not autistic.  Yet, naturally, I hoped that they would.  Autism has no cure. If it had been anything else that caused Kal-els unique traits, then perhaps there would be something that could be done to change it. It's not that I want to change my son. What I want to do is change the world to be accepting of my son. I just want what every parent wants - to protect my children from being hurt...bullied....excluded....

Autism Spectrum Disorder with Language Impairment requiring significant support. 

There it is! The official diagnosis. The expected yet dreaded confirmation. 

So how does it feel to be told your child is autistic?  It feels a little like grief. It's like you have just lost the child you hoped you would have from that moment you knew you had conceived him. You know, the child you had particular plans for....the child who would love sports and team events...the child who would be popular....the child you wanted to have long and meaningful conversations with about all the important things in life... None of our children turn out how we envisaged they would because they are their own individual people with their own hopes and dreams and plans but usually we come to that realisation over years of watching them grow and develop. A diagnosis of autism at 4 years of age stops that idealistic plan dead in its tracks and replaces it with a future filled with extra challenges and therapists and other humans who don't understand why your child can't answer seemingly simple questions or why they need to repeat phrases three times or watch a door until it closes. 

It feels like you need to already hurt for your child in anticipation of all the hurt they will feel growing up being different from those around them.

It makes you feel helpless because you can't ever really understand the world that your child lives in and so how could you ever really help them.

But it also makes you determined to do your absolute best to make his world the best world that you can. Yes I'll be the one who posts daily about autism on Facebook not because I want to remind people of what we as a family are dealing with but because I want you to understand more about autistic people and how you should educate yourself so that you will treat them with the same respect and courtesy as anyone else. The statistics for autism are on the rise. 1 in 68 children in the US!!!! My son is only 1 of thousands in Ireland. I will do everything that I can do to give him the best opportunities and have the happiest life possible.  

And I am determined to try to help others who live with autism too.

So yes I say goodbye to those idealistic plans and dreams but that doesn't mean I can't have new ones. They will be different than before but there's one thing that will never change.. as a parent I still want my child to succeed and be happy...and that's what we will work together to attempt to achieve one day at a time.